Entry 2

I hated the way I didn’t know what was going on with me but I hated the fact that I couldn’t comfort the ones around me even more. Daydreams and nightmares were frequent to me. I lost myself and everytime I thought I found myself back again, it was someone totally different from me. I don’t think I ever stopped trusting people, it just felt good to be seen. I wanted to know I exist. I think about everything and nothing at the same time. I didn’t know how it felt to let it all out but when I did, it wasn’t what I expected. We’re all so biological and universal at the same time. We’re all so connected and disconnected at the same time. Are there only two sides of a coin or the edges count as a third?

There are little moments here and there I keep inside my heart, it’s like a box of all the times I felt like me. There was this time when I started believing in soulmates and it left me wondering if I even had a soul anymore. I used to be in my bed for days just thinking about getting old. Everyone was saying the world would end and I was finding ways to save myself. When the music was too loud and I couldn’t hear my thoughts, my eyes were on the TV and I didn’t feel so trapped, was the only time I wanted to heal. If I lost someone, did they lose me too?

I sometimes feel like giving my love to everyone but then I remember people aren’t so loveable. There are some who cheat, some who hate, some who hurt and even some who kill. do they not deserve love or were they not loved enough?