can i leave?

You cannot keep me inside this bubble that you created out of your own perception of the world forever. One day, I'll touch it and the bubble will burst, I'll fly away but with the small sprinkles of it on me. Your perceptions will shape my fears and every new place I get exposed to, I'll seek comfort in the wrong.

You'll hate me, try to lure me in, I'll be weak in the knees because I won't be able to afford food. I think you'll break my will and still care about could kill me.

I'll live like I was sent back to earth after I just died because half of it is true. A part of me died in your arms but I pulled myself apart. Will you love her better?

Once I get my home, I'll wish for your presence on festivals and on your birthday. I'll light myself a candle and read book while crying. There will be moments I look for something I can't find and I'll almost call out your name, I think the silence would kill me again. everynight before I sleep, I'll send you strength for tomorrow. and finally, I would want to wake up and not feel sorrow.

I wanted to be treated like a human with my own mind and body, that is why I did it all. I left you to love my absence more so I can heal my soul. I don't think it was fair when I listened to the stories of people my age, they could travel on their own and talk to their friends. Everytime my heart sank, I waited for it to feel light and float under my ribcage.

I won't say I’m sorry because I'm not. I deserved to live and you could only let me exist. I hope my absence lets you find yourself too, even if I don't get to know the real you.

-dia